When Your Partner Rarely Wants Sex: Should You Break Up or Try to Fix It?
You're 25, paying bills and doing most chores while your girlfriend rarely wants sex. Before you break up, learn how to identify causes, try practical fixes like honest talks and therapy, and know when it's okay to leave for your own happiness.
The question, in short
You're 25, your girlfriend rarely wants sex, and she seems checked out of the relationship — you're doing most of the bills, chores, and effort. Should you break up?
Short answer: maybe — but first, get clear about what's actually going on.
What might be happening
- Low desire or asexuality: Some people simply have little or no sexual attraction. Asexuality is a valid orientation and can look like low interest in sex within a relationship. (See more: Wikipedia: Asexuality.)
- Stress, mental health, or meds: Depression, anxiety, birth control, or other medications can kill libido.
- Emotional or sexual mismatch: Attraction can fade or never match up. That doesn’t mean you’re broken — it just might not be the right pairing.
- Relationship imbalance: If one person handles finances, chores, planning, and romance while the other checks out, that creates long-term resentment — sex is often just the symptom.
- Past trauma or discomfort: Some people avoid sex because of past experiences or boundary needs.
What you can try (before deciding to leave)
- Have a calm, direct conversation. Say how you feel — not accuse. Ask what she’s feeling and why sex isn’t happening. Give her space to be honest.
- Ask practical questions. Is she attracted to you, stressed, medicated, or uncomfortable with intimacy? Does she identify as asexual or low-libido?
- Set a short trial plan. Try couple check-ins, rebalancing chores, or seeing a therapist for 6–8 weeks. If nothing changes, re-evaluate.
- Consider therapy. Sex therapy or couples counseling can help with mismatches. Individual therapy can uncover stress, trauma, or depression issues.
When to walk away
Some people say: if you’ve talked, tried therapy, rebalanced the relationship, and she still isn’t willing to engage or explain — it’s okay to leave. If you want a sexually active partnership and she won’t or can’t meet that need, staying will only breed resentment.
You deserve a partner who pulls their weight and matches your needs — emotionally and physically.
Final note: Be honest with yourself. You can love someone and still be incompatible. Protect your self-respect and your future happiness.
