He Wants to ‘Pull the Goalie’ Before the Wedding — What Now?

He Wants to Pull the Goalie Before the Wedding

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So here's the question, in plain words

Your fiancé keeps pushing to stop contraception and try for a baby before the wedding, but you’re not ready — and he won’t accept your “not ready” as an answer. What do you do?

First, breathe. This is about more than timing — it’s about respect, consent, and whether you two are on the same team.

What’s really going on (and what people say)

• Some people point out that pressuring you to get pregnant when you’ve said no is a form of reproductive coercion — it’s a known pattern where one partner tries to control pregnancy decisions. See more here: Reproductive coercion (Wikipedia).
• Others say this is a red flag. If someone dismisses your feelings and keeps pushing, that shows a lack of respect and partnership. That’s not a small quirk — it can predict deeper control issues later.
• There’s practical advice too: don’t have sex without contraception you control. If you’re worried he could sabotage birth control, consider methods he can’t tamper with (IUD, implant, or keeping your own pills in a safe place) and talk to a clinician about options.

Clear, practical steps you can take

• Set a firm boundary: tell him again, calmly and clearly, that you’re not ready and that your decision is final. "I’m not ready" is a valid answer on its own.
• Give a timeline (if you want): if you’re open to revisiting this, say when — e.g., “We won’t discuss this again for 12 months.” If he’s still pushing after that, treat it like a dealbreaker.
• Protect yourself medically: don’t rely on a partner for contraception if you don’t trust them. Speak with a health provider about an IUD, implant, or other secure methods, and document any pressure or tampering.
• Bring in a third party: a couples counselor or trusted friend can help mediate if you think the relationship can be repaired. If he refuses to respect boundaries, that’s meaningful information too.
• Have an exit plan: it’s okay to postpone or cancel the wedding if you realize you’re not with someone who respects your bodily autonomy and choices.

One good truth here: you’re seeing how he acts before you’re legally tied. That matters.

When to get help

If his pressure escalates to threats, violence, or tampering with contraception, reach out to a local domestic violence hotline, Planned Parenthood, or a health provider. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Bottom line: your readiness is valid. If he can’t accept that, it’s not just about timing — it’s about whether he values you as an equal partner. Trust your instincts, protect your body, and don’t trade your autonomy for a ring.